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25 July 2011 @ 09:08 pm
JOHN AND SCOTT:HEARTBREAK PART 8  

John was woken by Sheelagh, who had just arrived back at the hospital.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“4 hours. Why not go and stretch your legs for a little while, we’ll look after him”

“No I don’t want to leave him, I promised”

Stephen, Sarah, Gavin and Stuart all walked in “See darling everyone is here, we won’t leave him alone”

“Hmm maybe, what happened with the police?”

“They are going to make us look at mug shots when we are more with it”

“It’s all my fault. It would never have happened if I was here”

They were all about to say something when Stirling jumped in “John this is not your fault, it’s that man who put a knife in him NOT YOU”

John finally broke down in Stirlings arms.

“C’mon son, let’s go for a walk, and get something to eat”

Big John and Stirling took him out to get him some fresh air.

“I made a statement to the media Sheelagh, you shouldn’t have a problem with them”

“Gavin that’s great, thank you so much”

“Anything for this family you know that” He started to walk over to Scott “You listen to me Gill it’s time to wake up now, you’re scaring everyone”

The rest of the family sat around Scott’s bed talking to him about anything and everything, the doctor said it might help.

IN THE CANTEEN

Big John, Stirling and John were sitting at a table with a sandwich and a coffee, but John couldn’t eat a thing”

“John, son you need to eat”

“I can’t eat anything”

Stirling looked at it and said “I don’t blame you son, it looks dreadful doesn’t it”

John tried a smile “I should have been here, it was his birthday for heaven sake and I wasn’t here”

“John it wouldn’t have made a difference”

“It would, he would never have been out. We would have had a romantic meal, made love and held each other close as we slept”

“No offence but I don’t want to know about my son’s sex life

John did laugh a little then.

“Listen John it really is not your fault”

“Mmm” John could still not believe it though.

Big John started to laugh “I can see it now. Scott will wake up see everyone worrying, and be more upset about that than anything. Then he will get mad at you for blaming yourself”

“That’s true; Scott always tries to look after everyone else but himself”

“Well that’s my job. I should be doing it now”

John and his dad got up and walked back to Scott’s room.

When they arrived everyone was around Scott’s bed speaking to him. They all stopped when John came in “I spoke to him too, I think he can hear us”

“Course he can” Marion stood up and let John sit next to Scott”

A few hours later the doctor came in “I’m afraid you have to leave now”

“Can I please stay, I don’t want to leave him alone” John was started to get upset again.

“Alright, I will see if I can get you some blankets, but the rest of you have to leave, I’m sorry but you can come back in the morning”

The family all kissed John and Scott goodnight and left. The doctor came back with blankets for John.

“Alone at last hun. This really isn’t the romantic night I had in mind, but it will have to do until you are better, and we can do anything you want. Goodnight sweetheart I love you”

THE NEXT MORNING

It was a little fuzzy. The room he was in was all white, he had tubes all around him and he was in a great deal of pain, he started to try and move his arm, but he couldn’t, there was something there- he tried to see what it was, it started to became clear who it was. The man of his dreams; his husband!

 
 
 
Angela's Ribbons: JB-John&scottthought_ribbons on July 26th, 2011 06:07 am (UTC)
Ok first and foremost.
This NEEDS to go behind an LJ cut. If you don't know how to do an LJ cut I suggest you go here: http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=75&q=cut&lang to learn.

Secondly: You need a header. Check out *any* of the other fics here, any of mine, any other fandoms. Headers are a must. Learn how to do one.
Why don't you check out my basic rules for fandom here:
http://thought-ribbons.livejournal.com/331776.html

Thirdly: This needs help. A LOT of help. As of right now I can't even read it. I recognize that you're young. Guess what sweetie so was I. Now I'm a published author because a couple of authors took me under their wings and showed me the ropes. Put on our big girl pants and listen and learn. If you want to be taken seriously here is what you do.

Take this down and do something we call editing. Go and start reading online read about basic sentence structures and word forms. Grammar and spellings things like that. Then go and look things up. For instance you have a Doctor bringing John a blanket. Never going to happen, make it a nurse, bingo, bang-o suddenly your story has more cred.

Once you've done that come back to it. What you have posted as eight chapters needs to become one or two max.

You have a choice you can listen and change, or you can keep going like this and no one will take you seriously. Don't believe me got and read this fic here: http://barrowman-gill.livejournal.com/7597.html read the comments at the bottom. Notice she HAS comments. Not one of your chapters has received comments. Take that as a sign something is wrong.

I really hop you take what I've said here and listened. Go and make a few changes then come back and see what happens.

A.